Heimweh, Fernweh, & Wanderlust.

"This heart has its timing, this heart has its clocks, the heart has its chiming, it ticks and it tocks; This heart has its longing, so it it endures. This heart, always mine, will always be yours."

When I was a little girl, as early as maybe 6 or 7 years old, I remember when my dad would come home from business trips he would bring little souvenirs home for us girls. I remember wanting to know more about those places from which he had just come. The thought of travel excites my 23 year old self just as much today as it did then; my quirky love of contemplating itineraries for destinations all over the world makes some wonder why I chose to pursue a health related profession instead of international affairs or something that would get me in the travel business.

After returning from my 18 month LDS mission two and a half years ago, I've had a longing to go back to Germany. Last year I fulfilled that dream and spent 6 weeks exploring museums and castles, wandering cobblestone streets, visiting friends & loved ones, and soaking-in those too short of days in my home-away-from home in Austria, Bavaria, and the Black Forest region of Germany. It was an experience that was a healing balm in Gilead for multiple reasons, and lately I've been feeling super nostalgic for Europe all over again. Maybe it's because I'm coming up on that "year mark" of when I left last year, but glancing through pictures of that experience gives me all the feels and reignites that longing to leave on a jet plane & disappear for a while.

There are two words in German that beautifully encompass that tug-of-war, nostalgic feeling. Heimweh and Fernweh.

My home-away-from-home. Mein fideles Wien.
<Hofburg Palace, Vienna, Austria>

Heimweh, directly translated from German, means homesickness. Many are familiar with the word Wanderlust, literally translated as a longing and desire to travel and wander. Fernweh is similar to Wanderlust, but there's never a sense of satisfaction or gratification that comes from Fernweh. It's a longing for a place far away, but once you arrive, you wish to be elsewhere. My dad (who is also a returned missionary to Germany) always says the term "Heimweh-Fernweh". When home, you miss places where your heart is but you cannot physically be. When you are finally there, you long for home. There's no balance, and that ache is simply never soothed.

It's no secret that 18 months in Germany, Austria, & Switzerland as a young 19 year old girl would change my life. But I could have never predicted what kind of beautiful, wonderful influence it would have on me and the never-satisfied kind of love I would obtain for those places. Utah is and always will be my home. I am proud to be an American with the rights and freedoms I am endowed with. America the beautiful is my home; but my heart will never be fully hers, because I left little pieces of it all over Germany's cobblestone streets and Austria's rolling green hills.

And if I can be honest? I hope that sense of Fernweh never goes away.