I am His
I am God's, before I am anyone else's.
Matthew 6: 26, 28, & 30 reads
"Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin...Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?"
Lately I've been feeling the tug of the adversary in an attempt to frustrate, distract and discourage me. This always seems to happen right when I have reached a point in my relationship with God in which I am most confident. It's been so frustrating! No matter what I've done in an attempt to draw closer to God - *striving to follow the principle of exact obedience* - I have felt as though He is distant.
I've been taught all my life by my faithful parents, inspired church leaders, and encouraging friends that God isn't ever far away.
And deep inside I know God is never distant.
But for whatever reason, I have still felt a gap between He and I.
In my ache of feeling this distance from God and lack of spiritual guidance in my day to day life, I felt the need to turn to a friend whom I consider a woman of incredible faith & wisdom. I almost felt silly sending her a message letting her know of my struggle in interpreting why I felt the way I did, but I know God often answers prayers through others, and I know He gave me the thought to turn to her for a reason. She responded so patiently and kindly when I told her about my feelings of frustration and emptiness. When I asked her what she thought of my feelings of silence from God she said, "Perhaps this is the Lord's way of teaching you empathy for others who experience those feelings of distance from God, maybe it's a symbol of the Lord's trust in what you're doing, maybe it is to teach that to draw closer when you are already doing well takes a lot of consistency and dedication...it almost sounds like it is an experience to test how faithful you will be when you feel left to yourself."
Her suggestion that perhaps the Lord was testing my faithfulness led me to reread a talk from President Henry B. Eyring entitled Where is the Pavilion? from the October 2012 General Conference.
President Eyring said,
"Our feelings of separation from God will diminish as we become more childlike before Him. That is not easy in a world where the opinions of other human beings can have such an effect on our motives. But it will help us recognize this truth: God is close to us and aware of us and never hides from His faithful children." (emphasis added)
There it was! Was God withdrawing His Spirit from me, not to abandon me in a time of searching and yearning to be near, but rather to humble me before Him so He could bring me even nearer?
Psalms 8: 1-6 reads,
In my attempt to "hear the voice of wisdom and understanding", I went to ponder in a higher place. After work, I went to the temple with my best friend & roommate Mady who just received her endowment last weekend. Being able to serve in the temple with Mady when the ordinances of the temple are still so new to her reminded me of the beauty of innocence & learning. The Lord is always ready to teach us, guide us, and invite us closer to Him. This is also a testimony that I believe He is testing my faithfulness.
When I walked out of the temple that evening, I took the long way to the car so I could admire the beautiful pink roses on the Provo temple grounds.
Then it came. A thought so crystal clear in my mind and a flood of peace in my heart I couldn't deny this impression's Divine origin.
The thought I had is this:
I am God's, before I am anyone else's.
I am His. And He is mine. He is my Father. And He knows me.
In regards to waiting on the Lord's time, Henry B. Eyring continues in his talk and says the following,
- Natalie
Matthew 6: 26, 28, & 30 reads
"Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin...Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?"
Lately I've been feeling the tug of the adversary in an attempt to frustrate, distract and discourage me. This always seems to happen right when I have reached a point in my relationship with God in which I am most confident. It's been so frustrating! No matter what I've done in an attempt to draw closer to God - *striving to follow the principle of exact obedience* - I have felt as though He is distant.
I've been taught all my life by my faithful parents, inspired church leaders, and encouraging friends that God isn't ever far away.
And deep inside I know God is never distant.
But for whatever reason, I have still felt a gap between He and I.
In my ache of feeling this distance from God and lack of spiritual guidance in my day to day life, I felt the need to turn to a friend whom I consider a woman of incredible faith & wisdom. I almost felt silly sending her a message letting her know of my struggle in interpreting why I felt the way I did, but I know God often answers prayers through others, and I know He gave me the thought to turn to her for a reason. She responded so patiently and kindly when I told her about my feelings of frustration and emptiness. When I asked her what she thought of my feelings of silence from God she said, "Perhaps this is the Lord's way of teaching you empathy for others who experience those feelings of distance from God, maybe it's a symbol of the Lord's trust in what you're doing, maybe it is to teach that to draw closer when you are already doing well takes a lot of consistency and dedication...it almost sounds like it is an experience to test how faithful you will be when you feel left to yourself."
Her suggestion that perhaps the Lord was testing my faithfulness led me to reread a talk from President Henry B. Eyring entitled Where is the Pavilion? from the October 2012 General Conference.
President Eyring said,
"Our feelings of separation from God will diminish as we become more childlike before Him. That is not easy in a world where the opinions of other human beings can have such an effect on our motives. But it will help us recognize this truth: God is close to us and aware of us and never hides from His faithful children." (emphasis added)
There it was! Was God withdrawing His Spirit from me, not to abandon me in a time of searching and yearning to be near, but rather to humble me before Him so He could bring me even nearer?
Psalms 8: 1-6 reads,
"Doth
not wisdom cry? and understanding put forth her voice? She standeth
in the top of high places, by the way in the places of the paths. She
crieth at the gates, at the entry of the city, at the coming in at the doors. Unto
you, O men, I call; and my voice is to the sons of
man.O ye simple, understand wisdom: and, ye fools, be ye of an
understanding heart. Hear; for I will speak of excellent things; and
the opening of my lips shall be right things."
In my attempt to "hear the voice of wisdom and understanding", I went to ponder in a higher place. After work, I went to the temple with my best friend & roommate Mady who just received her endowment last weekend. Being able to serve in the temple with Mady when the ordinances of the temple are still so new to her reminded me of the beauty of innocence & learning. The Lord is always ready to teach us, guide us, and invite us closer to Him. This is also a testimony that I believe He is testing my faithfulness.When I walked out of the temple that evening, I took the long way to the car so I could admire the beautiful pink roses on the Provo temple grounds.
Then it came. A thought so crystal clear in my mind and a flood of peace in my heart I couldn't deny this impression's Divine origin.
The thought I had is this:
I am God's, before I am anyone else's.
I am His. And He is mine. He is my Father. And He knows me.
In regards to waiting on the Lord's time, Henry B. Eyring continues in his talk and says the following,
"The Lord’s delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience. Although His time is not always our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises. For any of you who now feel that He is hard to reach, I testify that the day will come that we all will see Him face to face. Just as there is nothing now to obscure His view of us, there will be nothing to obscure our view of Him. We will all stand before Him, in person...we [often] want to see Jesus Christ now, but our certain reunion with Him at the judgment bar will be more pleasing if we first do the things that make Him as familiar to us as we are to Him. As we serve Him, we become like Him, and we feel closer to Him as we approach that day when nothing will hide our view."
To be completely honest, I'm still not exactly sure why God is allowing me to walk in the dark. But I know - because He's reminded me - that He's seen me and is fully aware of me. Because of His goodness as God our Father, He's teaching me something great & wonderful so I can continue to become as He is. His Son the Christ is the High Priest of good things to come, and it is in Him I will place my faith until a day of light & understanding.- Natalie
Comments
Post a Comment